Months later, when I started taking long lunch breaks and spending them sobbing for 'no reason', I finally decided to seek some help. A friend had recommended a her counsellor, and as soon as I met him I realised why. I sobbed my way through my first appointment, discovering that I couldn't talk about my lost baby without crying. It became clear that I hadn't grieved properly, and needed to work out a way to do this.
It also became clear that I needed to take some control over my fertility 'issues'. Being in the public system, I had been told that I wasn't eligible for investigations into the multiple miscarriages because it wasn't "three in a row"; I'd had a "live birth". Not once did any of the doctors over my four or five times in hospital emergency (or at my GP later on) mention that investigations could be done by a GP.
My counsellor had suggested seeing a fertility specialist naturopath. I'll admit I was skeptical - I didn't understand what a naturopath could possibly do - but given I trusted my counsellor went on his recommendation. It turned out to be the best thing I've ever done (well, after going to the counsellor in the first place). She was amazing. She took my full pregnancy history, asked about my diet and also asked about what investigations I had had done. She was astonished to hear I had never had any investigations, and said I should have come to see her after miscarriage number one.
She recommended the following:
- Changing GPs to an obstetrics specialist (which I have now done).
- Getting this new GP to run all the relevant tests (she wrote a letter for the GP; and the GP happily obliged)
- Modifying my (fairly healthy) diet slightly by cutting out coffee, cutting down alcohol to 2 glasses a week (from my usual 1/2 bottle a night!), adding nuts and cutting out sweets.
- Taking supplements (CoQ10, Pregnancy multivitamin, fish oil)
- Reducing stress
And that brings me back to my year of simplification. Changing my diet and drinking habits was the first big change. The three day caffeine withdrawal headache was worth it though - I now enjoy not relying on my morning coffee to stop the headaches, and later in the day wake me up. The health kick has been good for both me and my partner. We have both lost weight due to eating more healthily and increasing our amount of exercise. We have sustained this for 4 months now and I don't think we'll ever go back to our slovenly lifestyle!
The next big simplification was changing jobs. My job was very stressful with lots of responsibility. I often needed to check emails on my days off, go in sometimes on my days off and I even had to go in when I was still unwell after the miscarriage. My boss and others kept telling me to look after myself, but still expected the job to get done and the place not to fall apart. I decided a new job was needed that was stress free. I realised this meant taking a huge pay cut, but figured I just spend as much as I earn and that I would survive with less money.
Post-script: I wrote this post in 2012 and it was too raw to publish at the time. My health kick paid off and I became pregnant soon after I wrote this with Ginger who is now 2. I now also have a third child Darcy who is 8 months old - no trouble conceiving that time either. I can't say that the health kick continued, but I definitely drink less these days and try to stay healthy.
